Creating Affirmations to Heal Your Maladaptive Schemas
Have you heard of schema therapy before, or the idea of early maladaptive schemas?
This concept is repeated in different ways across a variety of therapy frameworks, but it hinges on a central idea: each of us has a story, probably written early on, that we keep repeating over and over but that doesn’t ever really work for us. It is the story behind our self-sabotage. The unconscious and unseen trellis that our life grows on.
This story is full of limiting beliefs about ourselves, the way we can show up, and what we can expect out of life. As long as we carry this internal story or framework with us, without shining a light on it and healing it, we will keep repeating the same types of unwanted patterns—no matter how badly we’re trying to get away from them.
When I took the Early Maladaptive Schemas test by The Attachment Project (set aside 30 minutes if you want to take it now), I discovered that my own top maladaptive schemas were emotional deprivation, social isolation, unrelenting standards, and punitiveness. My top overarching categories were disconnection/rejection and overvigilance/inhibition. These results resonated with me because my two top “demons” have always been 1.) feeling like I don’t belong and 2.) being super hard on myself.
I wrote some promises and affirmations for my own maladaptive schemas. I hope these are helpful for you as you’re letting God rewrite your own story and allowing Him to wholly redefine you in every way:
Affirmations for Emotional Deprivation & Social Isolation
My emotional needs are important. Strong people have emotional needs, are aware of them, and invite (not demand) trustworthy others to meet them. I rebuke and reject the lie that “strong” people have no emotional needs.
God empathizes with me, protects me, nurtures me, and shows lavish, unashamed affection toward me.
When I feel alone and empty, God will never leave me and will fill me to overflowing with His love.
Wherever I am, I belong, because God has placed me there. Like Jesus, I belong everywhere and nowhere. No matter who rejects me, I am accepted, treasured, and lifted up by Him.
My differentness is good, and others’ is too. I am an alien on this earth but need not carry a spirit of rejection. I am much more like others than I am different from them.
I expect love, acceptance, and delight in who I am, because this is what I receive 24/7, unconditionally, from God. When someone does not choose to love, accept, or delight in me, others will. Above all, I offer unconditional love, acceptance, and delight to myself.
I choose to relax in social situations. God will give me His presence, His heart, and His words. I am forever at home in Him.
Affirmations for Punitiveness & Unrelenting Standards
Healthy, loving people are happy to nurture, guide, and protect others. Thank you, Abba Father, that you don’t consider it a burden to nurture, guide, and protect me.
People, including me, need loving guidance, training, grace, and forgiveness when making honest mistakes—not punishment.
Stay in softness. Notice when you are clenching or hardening, and choose to consciously soften instead. Softness doesn’t mean being unprotected.
God, help me forgive and accept human imperfection, including my own. Help me release criticism toward myself and others and replace it with encouragement.
God, grant me patience, soothe my anger, calm my frustration, and give me serenity instead of irritability.
Jesus is the Standard Bearer. In Him all standards have already been met, and I am in Him.
Imperfections (even mine!) are the cracks that allow love in. I release preoccupation with detail except when it serves others and myself well, and I receive the flexibility and adaptability of Christ, who allowed Himself to be interrupted and always stopped for the one.
Writing Your Own Affirmations for Your Maladaptive Schemas
After taking the test and reading the results, pray and ask God what He has to say about them. He may reveal where you learned some of these stories and ways of being, and He may help you forgive people where needed and release the old stories you’ve told about yourself. Then, consider writing a list of affirmations that are the opposite of what your results say.
A quick note about affirmations: Just telling yourself these things and praying these prayers won’t automatically change your patterns. But awareness of where you’ve been and where you want to go is key. The Holy Spirit will guide you on next steps after that awareness—whether it’s going to therapy, pouring your heart out to Him in your prayer closet or while walking out in nature, confiding in a trusted friend, or having a much-needed conversation with a family member.
