Is God real?
Is the God they spoke of real?
If that God is real, does he love them but not me?
If he is real, and he does love me, why didn’t he protect me? Where was he?
Were we even following the same God? How could they follow God and still do what they did?
Was it all a lie?
If it wasn’t all a lie, how much was true? And how do I separate the lies from the truth?
Many survivors of spiritual abuse find themselves asking these kinds of questions. Spiritual abuse is particularly harmful because it happens in such a trusted, intimate space. Sometimes, spiritual abuse is perpetrated by the best “father,” “mother,” “sister,” or “brother” figures you’ve ever encountered. Maybe you experienced love, joy, peace, community, or miracles in the same space where you were gaslighted, scapegoated, manipulated, shamed, or rejected.
In therapy, you can experience a healing environment where you are heard, seen, and validated. You can grieve, mourn, rage, and weep, and, in time, heal.
Move Forward After Spiritual Abuse
Effects of Spiritual Abuse
Just like leaving any abusive situation, survivors of religious abuse may experience:
Questioning, doubt, and anger at God
Grieving the loss of relationships, structure, and life purpose/meaning
Isolation and loneliness, plus difficulty forming relationships outside of former community
Desire to return to the familiarity of the abusive environment
Realization that the religious community imitated patterns in family of origin and/or old romantic relationships—a continuation of complex trauma
Dissociation & Brain Fog
Difficulty with daily functioning
Why work with me?
As your therapist, I have no desire to push you toward certain answers or conclusions. I will respect your journey and process in your relationship with God and your desire to talk about (or not talk about) God.
In addition to working with clients who have lived through spiritual abuse and betrayal trauma, I have lived through my own. I know how difficult and confusing it can be to realize that a trusted authority figure is not actually trustworthy, that the intimacy you thought you were developing was exploitative and manipulative, and that the safety and protection they claimed to offer was an illusion. I’m familiar not only on a professional level but also on a personal level with the defense mechanisms that come up and the process of slowly working through them, learning to give yourself grace, love, and even gratitude for the survival strategies you employed, and learning how to move forward as a more rooted, authentic, discerning, connected you.